May, 10th 2009
Our vers of the year for 2009:
Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."
The newest letters of Push
Only one more month and I need to go to Berlin for the next testing. I feel sick to my stomach
when I think about that, but it is connected with thoughts of confidence in the promise Jesus gave
me to have the perfect plan.
A few days ago I went to take a bath again. Less then a year ago I could not even take a showe
r but had to depend on taking baths. These days I can choose. Some people might think: “And?
Isn’t taking a bath great and relaxing?” Yes it is, but for me it meant the absence of freedom at the
age of 25!
I know, too, that some people around me think that I should be feeling badly because of my illness. That would be the most normal thing, yes, but I can tell you that even in these times Jesus has not taken His peace from me. That makes me endlessly grateful. Did you know that Jesus challenges us to keep a grateful heart no matter what the situation (Phil. 4:5-9)? That does not mean that we are not allowed to be sad. The sadness just should not block our way or view to Jesus. Our feelings should not take away our focus from Jesus. When I am sad, I am supposed to come to Him. Unless I tell my mother that I am in pain, she does not give me pain killers either.
Here are two Bible passages for you to read:
24I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
25The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
26Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
27"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.
28Father, glorify your name!"
Psalm 84 as a recommendation. Here are a few verses:
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
On March 19th 2009, I got the result of my last testing back, which were from my lungs. They showed some pretty obvious spots, which most likely indicated metastases. That was a very hard day for me. Only a few hours earlier, my body temperature had risen to a high fever, which indicated a viral infection. That in turn entailed strong twitching of my nerves which weakened me a lot. The following days the viral infection was the focus. In the back of my mind I still had the diagnosis which I did not want accept. Bible verses for the day accompanied me the following days and I was strengthened by Jesus’ example.
The verses above have given me new confidence and understanding as if Jesus gave me a new protective shield. I understood that I had bad results on my lungs but at the same time Jesus walked before me. Jesus “refilled” the amazing peace, which he has given me throughout the last two years, anew.
Some people said that they should not ask how I was because how should somebody in a situation like that be? You have to be bad . That would be the most normal thing in the world.
Jesus stays faithful. He keeps what He promises. The question is do we do that, too? We accuse Jesus of letting this or that happen, but forget that our knowledge is too limited to fully understand Him.
Why do we so often see all the bad things that happen around us and make God responsible for it? Why do we overlook the blessings He has given us? Where is the gratefulness?
“I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.” The maker of heaven and earth! Don’t you think God knows best what is right? We are a brick out of many, not a whole house. We just often think we are more important than we really are. That is where we think too small. God has bigger plans than “just to live and die and that is it.” Jesus has a bigger plan, even though I am so small.
Thank you so much for all your prayers. A girlfriend of mine told me that she prays specifically that I can reduce the amount of daily pain killers. In case you did the same, I was already able to reduce them quite a bit. I feel fine, too. I am very grateful for the amount of independence I have gotten back. I still need to take the pressure off of my pelvis.
Please pray specifically for:
- the bone growth. I still hear this sound when I move.
- The complete healing of my lung and so that there will not be any further metastases
- No infection despite the low blood values
- The positive outcome of the next testing, and peace of heart and mind whatever
the outcome may be
- my friend, who I’ll just call “Anna.” Unfortunately I can not tell you more to keep her safe, but she is very dear to my heart. She has a lot of psychological problems.
- the peace and calmness
- the possibility of the therapies
- my family
In addition I would like to remind you of “La Casa de mi Padre,” the orphanage in El Salvador I worked at. There are new messages every month which you can download, and you can even see a video. My wish is that every single child experiences that they have a father who loves them so tremendously, no matter what.
May Jesus bless your life as richly as He blesses mine.